Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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