I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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