Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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