he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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