Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
