we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
