I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
