just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
