ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
