I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
