Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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