i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
