You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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