her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
