her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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