She said her name was "party"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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