Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
