I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize