Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
