Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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