i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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