Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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