dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I could fuck to npr.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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