No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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