I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need water and some morals
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