Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
