Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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