You just made me feel so damn special
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
