I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
