is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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