she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
