I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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