you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
