so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
