u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
