Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
