I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He kissed a someone with a penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
