We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
