saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
