my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
