mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
