what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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