no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
