I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize