its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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