can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
