Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
