I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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