Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
