he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
