is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
