oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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