Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
