I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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