so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
