I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
