based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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