my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
