my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
