I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
