Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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