Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Randomize
