none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
