like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
