Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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