he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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