Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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