those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
