i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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