Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
