my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
