ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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