how can u be prego again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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