Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Randomize
