I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She bit a glass in half.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
