meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
