HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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