Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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