it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
